Before I get one year older in a few days, I just wanted to write how I feel about getting older.
Birthday meant to me a lot before. I was the kind of a girl who does “20 things to do before turning 20!” and still I make time for myself to have a year review even now.
I don’t want to say this because I know I am turning a boring adult, but I am occupied with daily routine recently, especially since I moved back to Japan, and I don’t make enough time for myself.
So, I woke up this morning at 5 AM and got in a bullet train and came back to my home in Yokohama, to force myself to make time for myself, before turning 27!!!
OH GOSH, I AM GOING TO BE 27.
I now understand why people keep saying “when you realize, you are already 40s (or 30s).”
I am like where did my 26 go?
Yes, of course, one year ago and today is very different.
What I do for my work is different.
My hairstyle is different.
Now I have more knowledge about Kyoto.
And I speak better and proper Japanese now.
I can type Japanese faster now too.
When I turned 23, I was in Hawaii. I had a little birthday BBQ at the apartment. It was my first day to moderate one of the courses I was taking in the graduate school and needed to cover a whole chapter about the communication theories (which I am still not sure if I fully understood what I was talking). I was too nervous and when I finished, I had a migraine and couldn’t join my own party because I was throwing up in the toilet in my apartment.
When I turned 24, I was in Boston. I was attending the big career forum for the Japanese students who go to schools outside of Japan. Too many Japanese people in recruiting suits and I was not prepared enough, didn’t know what I was doing and felt super miserable. My mom was visiting Boston to meet me so we went to have dinner to celebrate my birthday, but I wasn’t 100% happy.
When I turned 25, I was in Hawaii again. My boyfriend decorated the bedroom very pretty and I was jumping around alone in the room when I came back from work. On the day of my birthday, we were drinking ALL DAY long, by the beach, at the bar, and karaoke.
When I turned 26, I was in Kyoto. I was in a temple for work in the morning. Well, I guess it was a unique experience. I think I got blessed by the monk. I was working and my coworkers celebrated my birthday. Nothing special. Just a regular day with a cake.
I was taking a shower the other day and thinking about me turning 27. And thought…
“This sh– is about to get real.”
I think the number changing to 27 is a big difference from 25 to 26.
Or, maybe I feel 30 is getting closer than 25, “Need to do accomplish something big in my life before turning to 30 syndromes” is getting bigger inside my head.
Maybe, it is because my friends are getting married/having babies, and I feel like everyone but me is moving on to the new stage of their lives.
I want to take care of myself more, grow myself, and love myself but becoming “shakai-jin (working for companies)” doesn’t let me have more time and space, as I expected.
I am scared that maybe I am becoming a boring person right now. Having a 9-6 (not 9-5) job and waiting for weekends coming and hating for Mondays.
I don’t think this kind of lifestyle will last forever (hope not!), but I really need to keep up myself and should make the goals clearer for this coming 1 year like I used to do before.
Getting old is not bad. Getting used to adding a number to your age and not feeling anything is bad.
SO, this year, on my 27, I wanted to do something for myself and came back to see my fluff ball and writing this blog for myself to clear my brain, and she is sleeping on my bed while I am writing this.
Celebrate your special day.
Don’t forget, you add a meaningful 1 to your age, not just a number.
xxx